


from july to new year's eve

by babyweis



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, also junhoon is platonic, focused more on junhui and his sexuality than relationships, or maybe its not who knows, that's a lot of stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 14:06:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14812808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyweis/pseuds/babyweis
Summary: All boys like girls.Junhui doesn't, though.





	from july to new year's eve

Junhui is fourteen when a girl from his class tells him she likes him. 

"You're so handsome and talented, too," she says, confidence evident in her voice even though the smile on her face is shy. "And you've been really nice to me, so I thought...let's date?"

Junhui almost trips over nothing, even though he's just standing still. He can feel his friends' and the girl's eyes on him as he swings on his place, his hand gripping the strap of his backbag.

She's pretty, yes. He knows many guys their age - and probably even a few older guys - like her and would die to date her. And she's friendly and kind, too. She has a lot of friends, and Junhui's also heard she's very smart, one the top students in their class. Junhui should be happy that she likes him. He should say yes.

Instead, he says, "I'm sorry, I can't," and then he turns his back to her and walks away.

"What the hell!" Soonyoung yells after him, and then follows him along with Jihoon and Wonwoo. The two stay quiet, but Junhui knows they are silently questioning him.

"Dude, what's up with you? Are you aware of what you just did?" Soonyoung questions with loud, over-dramatic voice, earning lots of judging looks from all the other students in the school yard. Junhui sighs, rubbing his forehead with his hand, and he wishes he had another answer than just I don't know.

"Maybe he just doesn't like her that way," Jihoon says, and Junhui thanks the heavens for that, even though Soonyoung is obviously not convinced.

"Everyone likes her," he says, squinting so his eyes almost disappear entirely. Junhui would've laughed if he wasn't feeling so distressed at the moment.

"Well, yeah, I don't," Junhui says, and before Soonyoung gets to say anything else, starts making his way closer to the gates.

"Junnie!" Soonyoung whines.

"I have to pick up Fengjun!" Junhui yells back, even though Fengjun isn't even in daycare today since their mother stayed home - but the others don't need to know that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Soonyoung and Wonwoo both get girlfriends the next year, around the same month. Jihoon doesn't, but everyone has seen the way he looks at that one girl who always wears headphones and sits alone at lunch. Soonyoung and Wonwoo make a bet on wether he's going to ask her out before the holidays or not.

Junhui doesn't get a girlfriend either. And he doesn't look at anyone that way. He feels lost, like out of place, watching his friends - and other boys his age - dating and having crushes on pretty girls. He doesn't even have any celebrity crushes, he realizes one day.

His mother and step-father keep asking him when he's going to bring a girl home, keep asking him if there's a girl he's interested in. Sometimes they tease him, thinking that he's just too shy to admit he has a crush, and he lets it be that way, so they'll think he's normal.

And he _is_ normal, he tells himself. He just hasn't found the right girl yet, but eventually he will and they'll be even cuter together than Soonyoung and his girlfriend and they'll get married and have kids just like everyone else.

That thought comes crashing down way too soon, though.

The holidays have just started. Wonwoo lost the bet, since Jihoon actually asked that girl out on the last day of school. He was, however, turned down. He tells everyone he's fine, but Soonyoung tells Junhui that he cried later that day when Soonyoung called him. Junhui makes a mental note to buy him an extra-nice present to cheer him up. Then he goes outside to play in the snow with Fengjun, and they only come back inside when it's so dark they can barely see anything.

He goes to sleep at midnight, the only thought in his mind being how he's finally able to sleep for as long as he wants without having to get up for school or for anything else as irrelevant.

However, when he wakes up, it's four in the morning, and his underwear and the bedsheets are a mess. His face is burning red, and he's breathing heavily, as if he'd just ran for miles, and something inside his stomach twists.

He changes into clean clothes and carries the bedsheets to the laundry, his skin still burning at the thought of being touched so tenderly by another boy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Junhui has just turned sixteen, and he's in Soonyoung's house, in a party that's supposed to celebrate his, Soonyoung and Wonwoo's birthdays.

"Jihoon's, too, of course!" Soonyoung exclaims, and Jihoon rolls his eyes. "I was born in November, you idiot," he says, but Soonyoung only grins back at him.

Soonyoung broke up with his girlfriend two months ago, and he now has something going on with another girl. Junhui watches how they suck each other's faces in the corner of the living room and rolls his eyes, getting up from the couch. Jihoon is in the kitchen, talking with people who Junhui doesn't really know, and Wonwoo and his girlfriend have been MIA for the past twenty minutes. Junhui doesn't really have to wonder what they're doing, though.

It's the 21st of July, and it's very warm, even in the middle of the night. Junhui escapes the loud music to the front yard and sits down on the soft grass, knowing that the pool in the backyard is also full of people.

Seungcheol looks like he's glowing when he suddenly appears in front of Junhui, a drink in hand and a cigarette in between his lips. His hair is damp, and there's a towel hanging on his shoulder. His jeans aren't wet, so he must've taken them off before swimming in the pool, and then put them back on - but he hasn't bothered to wear a shirt. Junhui's breath hitches when he inhales.

"Why'd you come here alone?" Seungcheol asks, taking the cigarette from his lips as he stares down at Junhui.

"Just," Junhui starts, tearing his gaze away and shrugging his shoulders. "Got bored."

He doesn't know Seungcheol well. He's a year older than Junhui, and one of those guys everyone knows even though he's still not overly popular. But he's quite close with Jihoon, and Soonyoung insisted on inviting him, for whatever reason.

"Bored, huh," Seungcheol mutters, and then sits down next to Junhui. Their hands touch, and Junhui flinches, but Seungcheol intertwines their fingers before he gets to pull away. His hand is rough and cold, but it feels nice. Junhui's heart is beating in his chest, faster than the deep sound of bass that's blasting inside of the house.

Not daring to move or say anything, Junhui stares how Seungcheol breathes in the smoke, and then speaks, lips still wrapped around the cigarette, "Do you smoke?"

"I've tried a few times," Junhui answers, hating how his voice comes out so meek and small. Seungcheol looks at him and raises an eyebrow, but doesn't laugh. Instead he puts his drink down on the ground and takes a long drag of the cigarette, leaning then closer to Junhui.

Junhui thinks he's going to pass out, his heart is beating so fast and he kind of forgets how to breathe. He thinks of pulling his hand free and running, and then he thinks that maybe Seungcheol is going to pull away instead and tell him it's just a prank, but in the end neither of them pulls away. Their lips press together so suddenly Junhui gasps in surprise, and the smoke makes it way to his mouth and down his throat, and he coughs.

Seungcheol doesn't pull away even then. He stays there, lips on Junhui's, still holding onto Junhui's hand, and Junhui feels himself relaxing even though his eyes are watering because of the smoke and his mind is screaming at him because anyone could see, but at the same time there's excitment bubbling inside his stomach and chest because of the exact same thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
"What do you think of gay people?"

The words escape Junhui's mouth suddenly, in a time they definitely weren't supposed to, and when he sees the look on Jihoon's face he thinks it's like that time he got drunk for the first time and threw up on the said boy's shoes.

It's raining outside - nowadays it rains all the time. And it's not even a nice rain that makes you want to curl up in the corner of the couch with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate, no. It's that kind of rain that makes everyone sick and makes Junhui want to lock himself up in his room until autumn is over and it's snowing all day instead.

"I don't really think about them, so," Jihoon shrugs, turning his attention back to his notebook. "I guess they're just, you know, people."

"Oh?" Junhui stares at the back of his friend's head, eyebrows knitted. He'd been expecting - well, he's not exactly sure what he'd been expecting, but not such a careless, disinterested answer. But then again, it's Jihoon. "So," he starts, knowing that he's crossing the boundaries, but he never knows how to stop. "So if someone you knew was gay-"

He stops talking when Jihoon swirls around on his office chair, eyes piercing as he stares at Junhui. There's a heavy, suffocating silence, and Junhui squirms, staring back at Jihoon while trying not to look too suspicious.

"Are you gay, Jun?" Jihoon finally asks, and even though Junhui was expecting the question, he's still left in complete shock, which definitely doesn't help him in looking less suspicious.

"I'm," he starts, and then shakes his head wildly when Jihoon raises an eyebrow. "I mean, no! I'm not. I was just asking, like, we haven't really talked about that kind of stuff. Not that we even should, of course, what's there even to talk about, so-"

The absurd rambling is interrupted by a phone ringing, and it takes a good moment for Junhui to realize it's his own. He clears his throat and gives Jihoon an awkward and embarrassed smile before grabbing his phone from his bag.

_Incoming call: Seungcheol_

Junhui's heart flips. He declines the call and tells Jihoon it was an unknown number.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Junhui's parents are on a business trip and Fengjun stays the weekend with their grandparents. Junhui assures his parents he will do well on his own, that he can invite his friends over if he gets bored. They trust him, and let him stay alone in the house.

And Junhui didn't exactly lie to them. Because Seungcheol is his friend, right?

 _Friend_ , Junhui thinks, even when Seungcheol presses him down onto the living room's couch and kisses him, tasting of smoke and alcohol, just like that one night in the summer. Junhui remembers it clearly, even though he was a bit drunk back then himself and it's already November now, the first snow making its way down to the ground outside.

Seungcheol leaves pretty marks on Junhui's chest and inner thighs, in places where they are easily hidden. Junhui thinks of how Wonwoo and his girlfriend appeared to school one morning, sporting similar, red marks in their necks and grins plastered on their faces. He remembers Soonyoung teasing them about it, and even Jihoon's lips quirking into an amused smile as he shook his head at them.

Junhui thinks it would be nice to go to school that way with Seungcheol, holding hands and proudly showing everyone that the marks on them were made by the other. But they can't. They _never_ can. Junhui pushes Seungcheol off of him and onto his back instead, straddling his hips as he takes a sip of the beer the older left on the coffee table next to the couch.

"You are so pretty," Seungcheol says with a twisted smile and a slurry tongue. Junhui stares down at him and smiles back, and the air around them is hotter than ever even though it's still snowing outside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Seungcheol's parents take a divorce in February. The following day Junhui finds himself pressed against the wall inside of one of the school's cleaning closets, with Seungcheol's hand covering his mouth so he doesn't make too much noise. He's sore for the rest of the day, but he decides that seeing the smile on Seungcheol's face is worth it.

In April, Seungcheol moves to Japan with his mother. He tells Junhui that he's sorry, but he doesn't have any other options.

"You're turning eighteen in August," Junhui says, his eyes stinging and voice cracking. "Can't you come back then?"

"I'm sorry," Seungcheol says again. Junhui doesn't believe he's actually sorry at all. They part their ways without even sharing a goodbye kiss. The last time they kissed was two days ago in the school restroom, with Junhui trying to hold his giggles as Seungcheol pulled him inside one of the cubicles before anyone could see them. Junhui feels his heart being ripped out of his chest just a little more every time he passes by that restroom, but he still isn't able to delete Seungcheol's number from his phone, not just yet.

They hold another, combined birthday party that year, this time in Wonwoo's house since Soonyoung's family is staying home the entire summer. Junhui drinks more than he has ever before, and then cries for almost three hours straight with his face pressed on Jihoon's lap. Jihoon doesn't ask questions, nor does he tell about it to anyone. Junhui expresses his gratefulness by puking on the floor this time, instead of Jihoon's shoes.

He still doesn't delete Seungcheol's number.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Wonwoo breaks up with his girlfriend just a week after his birthday. He doesn't appear sad, just angry and stressed out. When Junhui asks him why they broke up, Wonwoo tells him that it's because he got tired of it.

Maybe Seungcheol got tired of Junhui, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
It's December, a few weeks before holidays. Mingyu transfers in their school. He's sixteen, a year younger than Junhui, so they don't really see each other that often. But Soonyoung knows everyone in the school, and being his friend means that you have to know everyone in the school too. So it's only a matter of time when Soonyoung decides to drag the new student to their table during lunch.

He sits down across Junhui, the overly bright lights of the lunch room hitting him just right so it looks like his tanned skin is glowing. He's tall, making Jihoon look like a child next to him, and has the kindest eyes Junhui has ever seen.

Junhui shoves a spoonful of rice in his mouth and just nods half-heartedly when Soonyoung introduces him, completely aware of the confused looks his friends give him but he has no time for this. Mingyu blinks at him with a small smile from across the table, looking an awful lot like a lost puppy, especially with the sharp canines peeking from his mouth.

Junhui has always had a soft spot for baby animals, even for the ones that aren't physically that small. And he's sure he's going to regret everything for the rest of his life, but after swallowing the food he gives a smile to the younger and even manages to choke out a silent "hey".

"Jun is a bit shy," Soonyoung says, and Junhui fights the urge to roll his eyes way too intensively.

"Oh," Mingyu says, his smile widening. "That's okay, I have a friend who can be kind of shy, too. I think it's cute."

Junhui spends the rest of the lunch pretending that he hasn't noticed either the faint blush on his own cheeks and the pointed looks Jihoon shoots towards him every two minutes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Junhui doesn't know what is going on, except that it's the New Year's Eve and he was supposed to celebrate it with Soonyoung, Jihoon and Wonwoo, but instead he's in an unknown apartment, a weird taste in his mouth and feeling like every time he moves he's dancing. Maybe he actually is. He's not exactly sure.

Someone laughs beside him, and Junhui thinks it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard. He leans towards it, and catches a glimpse of a tan skin and kind eyes.

He's in Mingyu's apartment, he remembers suddenly. He had been with his friends, but he'd left, for some reason, and then he met Mingyu outside. Or something like that, maybe. It's not like he even cares.

"-'s almost midnight," Mingyu breathes against his cheek. "Want a New Year's kiss, hyung?"

"Yes, please," Junhui giggles, somehow finding Mingyu's lips in his haze. Or maybe Mingyu found him. However it is, Junhui thinks he has never felt as nice as right then, right there, not even once when he's been with Seungcheol.

Ugh, Seungcheol. Junhui doesn't want to think about Seungcheol. He wants-

He's not sure what he wants. He wants Mingyu to kiss him more, yes, but why does it feel like it's wrong, like he shouldn't want that?

Because...

He ran away from Wonwoo's place earlier. Why did he do that? He remembers being scared and embarrassed, before Mingyu found him and brought him to his home. But what had happened? Did they have a fight? That's ridiculous, they never fight-

_"I'm gay."_

_The silence that falls over them is depressing, the air feeling so heavy it's making it hard for Junhui to breathe. He doesn't dare to look at the others, not even at Jihoon, even though he knows that the latter has known it for ages already._

_He waits for someone else to speak up, but they don't. Junhui can't take the silence and so he runs._

"Hyung?" Mingyu calls out, and Junhui snaps out of it, somehow, still lost in that weird, hazy feeling and the sweet scent that lies on them like a big blanket.

Junhui doesn't answer with words, but instead kisses Mingyu again, crashing their lips together in desperation. Fuck them, he thinks, fuck Jihoon and Soonyoung and Wonwoo, all of them, Junhui doesn't give a fuck about them and about what they think or do - fuck them and fuck Seungcheol, too.

Mingyu has the softest lips and the most gentle hands, and as he presses Junhui against the backrest of the couch, Junhui thinks of how he would willingly to start a whole revolution in his name.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Junhui wakes up the next morning to the sun shining its light straight on his face through the only window in the room. He squints and groans, twisting his body in the sheets before sitting up on the bed.

Mingyu is still fast asleep next to him, the sunshines dancing on his face and bare chest, making his tan skin look like it's glowing. There are tiny, shy bitemarks decorating his neck, and when Junhui turns his head to look at the mirror in the corner of the room, he finds out there are similar marks all over his own neck and chest.

He looks back at Mingyu, and then slowly gets up from the bed, roaming the room to find his clothes. The sheets on the bed shuffle softly as Mingyu turns to his side, eyelashes fluttering as he dreams.

Junhui is mesmerized, and stops moving completely, letting himself watch the younger boy lying on the bed for a couple more minutes.

He deletes Seungcheol's number from his phone that day, along with that one picture of them together he had decided to keep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The New Years pass, and everyone returns to school from winter break.

Jihoon apologizes to Junhui the day before the break ends, and Soonyoung and Wonwoo do that the next day. Junhui forgives them, and things are normal - with Jihoon. Wonwoo and Soonyoung are different, in the way they look at Junhui and in the way they talk to him. It's kind of as if they're scared of him.

Junhui pretends he doesn't notice.

Just like he pretends not to be so fascinated over Mingyu as he actually is. In front of everyone else, at least.

He only shows it to Mingyu himself, with the sweetest kisses and hugs that last for minutes whenever they are alone. And Mingyu does the same to him, smiling wide every time Junhui reaches over to kiss him.

Wonwoo and Soonyoung find new friends, and Jihoon is with them, but after a while he leaves the new group and starts hanging out with Junhui and Mingyu instead. He ends up as a father figure, forcing them to study but also making sure they are taking care of themselves.

Another year passes by like that, and it's the day after the winter break ends when Mingyu kisses Junhui full on the lips on the school hallway. Jihoon watches them and smiles, and none of them cares about the way everyone else is staring in their direction.

It's two weeks later when Jihoon tells Junhui that Soonyoung and Wonwoo both got into a fight people who were badmouthing him and Mingyu. Junhui never talks about it with them, but he does smile at them when they pass each other on the hallway, and both of them return the smile, even though Mingyu is also there, with his hand lazily resting on Junhui's hips as they walk.

It's not the way Junhui thought he would spend his last year of high school, but somehow, it's a whole lot better than other options, even without Soonyoung and Wonwoo by his side like the have been for the past ten years. Because he still has Jihoon, and, most importantly of all, he has Mingyu.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm slowly trying to finish all the unfinished fics i have written lmao. i wrote most of this last november, which might explain why it's kind of a mess


End file.
